Tag Archives: Singleness

Single, Not Looking

Statement 1: I am 24. And single. And a girl.

Statement 2: So are a lot of people.

Statement 3: Not all of us are waiting anxiously for a spouse.

I’ll tell you the truth. I live in a big house with two roommates that live with me. They’re married and older than me and they let me call them mom and dad. They actually don’t live with me. I live with them.

I make very, very little money working in a messy corner of my room at a pitiful little desk I tried to make less pitiful by renaming it an office space and nailing some 97¢ clipboards to the wall.

I should be lonely. I should be sad. I should be on the lookout for a man to rescue me from the failure-to-launch life I seem to be living.

But if Frozen taught me anything, it’s that you don’t need a prince to save you.
(You need a King. The Bible taught me that, but that’s not the point right now)


*Seven women will beg the same man, making this offer, “Let us all marry you! We will take care of ourselves. Let us be your wives. Give us something to live for—give us a child. Take away our shame. Our disgrace. Our reproach. Our stigma. Marry us so we won’t be mocked.


This is from an old book called Isaiah. There is a rich historical context to it and I’m sure a Scholar somewhere will wipe their sweaty palms on their argyle sweater vest and faint when they read what’s next:  I’m going to take this out of its context and apply it elsewhere.

Gasp. It’s okay, calm down.

Here’s its new home: in the minds of every church person ever when they see any woman without a ring sitting alone on Sunday.

Here’s what those seven women are saying, “The shoes on my feet, I bought it, the clothes I’m wearing, I bought it, the rock I’m rockin’, I bought it. ‘Cause I depend on me, but-please-marry-me-so-no-body-makes-fun-of-me.”

What? How does that even make sense?

Hint: it doesn’t.

I’m aware that when this was written if a lady didn’t have a husband or a kid she basically didn’t exist. But remember, we’re living in the minds of modern day church people right now. Single, non-mother people are counted as regular people on the Census and have jobs and everything.

I just got back from Haiti. The, “Are you married,” question came up while talking with a pastor we visited. To those of us who didn’t raise our hands he said, “Next time I hope you are able to introduce me to your husband.”

It was a striking moment. I don’t think it was for anyone else. But I thought Is this guy not happy meeting me. I flew all the way from America to talk to him and I didn’t even have to have my dad sign a permission form to leave the country. I can also drive and read books and do all sorts of things without a husband to encourage me to live a complete life.

Now it’s time to give you a disclaimer: I think marriage is great. I have married friends that I watch enviously while we’re out doing things and think It’s precious the way he loves her. And that girl really knows how to treat her husband. I’m glad I know them.

What doesn’t happen is me watching from the back corner of life thinking Man when I get my husband, we’re going to do real people things too. I’m finally going to be able to live a real life.

That does not happen. Watching them enviously doesn’t mean I want their life or that I am not living mine. It means that one day maybe I’ll get married. One day I’ll meet the one. He probably won’t sweep me off my feet because I’m 5’8’’ but he’ll be great and we’ll spend great days together and do fun things.

In the meantime I’m going to Haiti, visiting babies in Mexico, working on my businesses, writing down stories, taking road trips with friends, spending time with my family, and loving God.

There is no in the meantime it’s just called life.

Sure, I’m single. Sure I’ll probably marry my own personal Prince Charming one day (I’m more of a Flynn Rider kind of girl, but that’s just me). But I’m not waiting for him. And I’m certainly not looking for him.

Relationship status: Single, not looking.


*A combination of several different translations of Isaiah 4:1

Shhh, Jesus is Talking

Besides having just the right amount of hipster to keep you relevant and enough coffee to keep you awake, here’s what you need to have some rockstar Jesus time:

  • Get up early and be ready to listen. Jesus does His best talking at 5:00 am with a warm brew and extreme bed head
  • Sit quietly in His presence without a time frame, your boss will totally understand when you tell Him you were immersed in the Spirit resulting in your 3 hour tardiness to work
  • Have a nook or a closet. Perhaps something similar to Harry Potter’s cupboard under the stairs on Privet Drive. The best nooks are equipped with lots of gem-colored floor cushions, $20 scented candles, some twinkle lights, and worship music must be playing quietly in the background. Think Spa meets Spiritual retreat

When I finally drag myself out from underneath the covers on mornings like this I’m sitting there with my Valuspa candle wafting its lineny fresh fragrance into my nostrils while my cup of coffee slowly tips itself onto my lap and my eyes lazily close. All the time I’m justifying my drowsing with the thought that Jesus would really prefer I get that extra 4 hours and clearly He wants to speak to me in my dreams.

Ask my mom. Waking up early has never been a good thing for me. I’m quite ashamed to say my sweet mom tells me getting me up on early days was like walking into a battle zone. I might have thrown the occasional pillow in her direction. My dad’s approach to this situation was to simply flip my mattress over. Harsh, but effective.

In my digression I can hear the Proverbs 31 women shaking their heads with a mental tsk, tsk, tsk. I admit it. I don’t knit my own sweaters. I don’t have a household to take care of. I’m usually clothed in black skinnies and a vneck instead of dignity and strength. I’m rarely up before dawn, and when I do it’s for a road trip and I’m asleep within the first 20 miles.

You know what, if you physically can’t open your eyes before 9:30 in the morning. That’s fine. If you can’t sleep in past 4:45, I don’t understand you, but it’s alright. That’s fine too.

Here’s the thing, when we compartmentalize things like that—in the morning I talk to God. Then I go to work. Then I come home. Then I unwind. Then I eat dinner. Then I go to bed. That only leaves one slot for God.

I’m fine with not being good at waking up early because I don’t cut God out of the rest of my day. He’s still there, I still talk to Him, I still spend time with Him. Somewhere in the Bible it says pray without ceasing. I don’t think that means sitting in your nook all day and all night feverishly praying and listening to the Lord. Like Ecclesiastes says, there is a time for everything, so all day and night prayer certainly has its place. But what about the in between? The days when you are going to work, taking a vacation, staying home sick.

I think what God meant when He put “pray without ceasing” in His book was to simply be in conversation with Him throughout your day. Make decisions through the lens of the Lord. Just like you’d ask your SO or bestie how your outfit looks, ask God what He thinks.

When I was in elementary school I was beyond excited to go school supply shopping. I loved it. I would comb through my notebooks making sure they were perfect, and not only that, I would take people on tours of my binder. I would show them how awesome it was. One time my dad had come home from an especially exhausting day at work AND he was watching football. I told him how big of a deal it was to be starting fourth grade and how excited I was to have my new binder. And I, yes, I took him on a tour of the different subjects, tabs, and folders.

We commonly hear the phrase nothing is too big for the Lord. Indicating that He cares about us deeply and wants to take care of us like a Dad. But let me counter that thought with nothing is too small for the Lord. Just like my dad sat through a tour of a binder when he could barely keep his eyes opened, God cares about the little things (insert link to Little Things by One Direction) too.

This read is not for people who have their schedule on lockdown. If you’ve got your stuff together, bravo, brava. I envy you, seriously, there is not a hint of sarcasm intended in any of this.

The intent is to let people who have the schedule, don’t stick to it, and therefore have no “Jesus Compartment” because it doesn’t fit into the schedj.

This pretty much explains everything I’m trying to say in one paragraph. Thank you Sarah Young.

Find freedom through seeking to please Me above all else. You can have only one Master. When you let others’ expectations drive you, you scatter your energy to the winds. Your own desire to look good can also drain your energy. I am your  Master, and I do not drive you to be what you are not. Your pretense displeases Me, especially when it is in My “service.” Concentrate on staying close to Me at all times. It is impossible to be inauthentic while you are focusing on My Presence.